XBOX 360

Think fast!

Tomorrow I am probably going to get my Xbox 360 back from a repair centre. It broke because of statistics. This means I'll be able to play video games again, and whatever gains I've made in the interim will regress within moments. Whoops! Good thing college is just a hustle!

This is not an Xbox 360, but it is probably more reliable "from a hardware standpoint" and better for society (less fat kids, less fat kids yelling, etc)

This also means I'll be able to hop back online with the Dudes of the Lane. Lately we've been relegated to the practice of sitting in the same room and talking, which is weird and obsolete. (Eye contact: creepy.) What are we playing, Backgammon with old people? Even they're in the loop, with some beeping LCD keychain version that does everything with one button. And sharing a screen might be fun, but do it for too long and it's like you're married or something. "Which one is yours?" "Who took the car?" "This was a huge mistake and now I can't see anyone. I hate you so much I am red. I want half." Sheesh! I'll take my own screen and the ability to fart while the mic is muted (everyone does this) over human interaction any day. Farts or friends: in my world, this is a no-brainer. We are met with this choice virtually every day and it's only as hard a call as you make it. [There are no good pictures of farts on Google, sorry.]

Ron Howard's GTA playstyle: He just crashes the cars over and over

Oh! And the new Grand Theft Auto game is going to be released soon. How am I supposed to aggravate police with a moped for the better part of an afternoon without an Xbox? I can't do that in real life: I could get a wanted level. And if I wanted to kill some people with a big dildo or a rocket launcher? Nuh-uh -- that'll get the army involved, and no one wants that unless they have a plane, or all sorts of cheats enabled. This is why we have video games, people. This is like a case study of why we do this. Mostly though, I want to hear the voice acting, which is generally very good for a game whose main concern is enabling the broadest possible range of violent acts. The voice acting is great, actually. Steve Buscemi was in one. Or maybe it was a different guy from Reservoir Dogs. But one of them was in it, and the game was better for it. Their voices were that good. I even nodded a few times, like, "This is true." I'm thinking of the Grand Theft Auto game with some kind of coffee mini-game -- I didn't try that part, but I think it's very high-brow and forward-thinking, turning the mundane into gameplay like that. I would probably try it this time around. Anyway, I would bet money on this one being special, but I won't, because buying it will already be kind of a bet since if it's really crappy or shatters into a million tiny slivers that become embedded in my lungs and poison me I will be out at least one tier of my pyramid of rolled up quarters and possibly die, totally losing the bet. Life is no game!

"UNNNGGGHH" "WHOOOAAAAH" "I'M AT LEVEL 9000"

Also, video games might be the reason I can't think of anything else to put here. Maybe it's true what the lawyers and teachers say. I think I have just enough brain capacity left to write about games a bit and then be aware of the damage they have done. In my naivety I thought I was filling the void they left with other things (like stories about boats) but there's no going back and I am probably bound on a chemical level. It is kind of sad. Please no loud noises or pranks involving football tackles, unless you are willing to rehabilitate my concussed and slobbering self with Wii tennis and a gentle guiding hand. I don't know if I'm kidding! I already forgot what this paragraph is about, and it is a good feeling.

'Till next time! (I don't know exactly what is going to be here next time, but there is a good chance -- 50 percent maybe -- it will be about video games. Maybe you would like to see it. Think about it!)

VIDEO GAMES a year in review

Hey!

Hello!

With the newest year nearly upon us I figured what better time than now to reflect on a great year in gaming, which as you may know persists as a common thread between us Dudes of the Lane minus of course being raw fellows of taste and influence also capable of some pretty sweet jumps all things considered (Kyle can backflip without moving his arms, Andre levitates (basically the best one), and I can make the soles of my shoes connect like a leprechaun, but never on ice because that is extremely dangerous). But we don't play games to jump, no. (Except Crackdown, which we have recognized.) We play games to jump and shoot (doing both at once is particularly effective as a Soldier in Team Fortress 2 -- you may jot that down before proceeding to the next sentence; it is cool with us). Indeed, some of the best games we have played are those in which jumping and shooting are integrated flawlessly, or in clever ways. If you play video games you can attest that this is a pretty big deal. You basically play them to shoot things and sometimes jump. 99% of video games are about that.

Why don't they let the baby play? He has owned them before. He will own them again

Looking back we saw some pretty sweet pieces of software hit shelves and wrestled our share of blockbuster titles to the ground. Some we were going to play but didn't. We didn't really play any crappy games so sorry if you were looking forward to reading about those. The last bad game we played was Silent Hill 4 and that's when Kyle and I were sleep-deprived and jobless and so rented a terrible game against our better judgment. It was pretty bad, all with clunky controls and a meandering player path and repetitive combat so we did not finish it. The FMV at the beginning was kind of sweet but you can not play that so it was taken out of consideration pretty much automatically. Anyway with the Internet this does not happen much anymore, and besides playing really crappy games is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel, or shooting some kind of generic enemy with unresponsive controls using the same gun that shoots the same adjectives over and over. This year games mostly delivered but some delivered more than others. Those we must salute.

BEST SEX WITH A BLUE ALIEN

In Mass Effect you talk to aliens before you do them (not this one, weirdo!)

Mass Effect

I haven't played Mass Effect but going by Kyle's account and what I have read elsewhere this is one of the best things about the game, and about video games this year. I think it's kind of creepy but if the game does it well, it deserves to be recognized. Get it? Does it. In a few years we will probably have games that let you have sex with all kinds of aliens, but that sort of thing takes time. For blazing this particular trail my hat goes off to Mass Effect. I dare say there is no other game as open-minded.

BEST WRITING IN A GAME (FONTS I MEAN)

With Halo 3 you never have to read anything twice

Halo 3

Halo 3, you did a lot of things wrong, like allowing twelve year olds to play online and scream about violence, but your fonts were not one of them. On any TV they look great and do not obscure the thing you want to do in the game. Nice going, Halo 3.

BEST WRITING IN A GAME (WHEN THE PEOPLE IN THE GAME SAY THINGS)

In Portal even the turrets say stuff about you

Portal

I mean, this is a pretty funny game. When people said Portal was a funny game, I scoffed and scoffed until I started coughing because video games are about shooting people and sports, and those are not funny things unless you make people go flying or spin your car into them or whatever, and besides that's a kind of funny that words can't describe. Playing it was a big surprise because it is pretty funny in a comedy writing way. By that I mean playing the game the evil computer system makes jokes about you (the character you play) dying, and they almost always connect. There are also jokes about cakes and a cube that helps you. Textbook example, people.

BEST JUMPING IN A GAME

If jumping was a game they would call it Crackdown

Crackdown

Crackdown is pretty much the only game where you level up your ability to jump, which says a lot about its focus on jumping. If you so please you can spend your time with the game only jumping, collecting orbs in high-up places, which is kind of a strange way to fight crime (you are a cop in the future), but you can. You can hop from rooftop to rooftop of tall buildings, even if you're carrying a car. In every other game you go two feet off the ground but Crackdown all but lets you fly. Everything else Crackdown lets you do, like shooting and kicking a guy in the head, is done better elsewhere. Basically, except for jumping and letting you play the Halo 3 beta, Crackdown does not have a lot going for it, but anyone who really likes jumping won't care about that. The history of video games will probably not remember you Crackdown, but we will, because you really cared about jumping.

BEST GAME THAT LETS YOU BE A SPY

In Team Fortress 2 the Spy smokes while stabbing people. You couldn't do this in real life because the smell would give you away

Team Fortress 2

TF2 is game that you can only play with other people, over the Internet. There is no story. When you join a server to play you pick a team and a class, or for you old-school types, which guy you want to play as. You can be a lot of people, all of whom have some good lines that they say by themselves based on what is happening (like, "Ow!" or a loud, terrible laugh), and whichever one you play as you can give someone a hurting in defense or pursuit of the given objective (a briefcase or a light you stand on). The Spy is pretty much the best one, because you can disguise yourself as a guy on the other team and break stuff that the other team made. You have a butterfly knife and a pistol (not great, but fancy) and can turn invisible. No other game has all of the things that make being a spy great; only some. This is why it is the best one in this category. TF2 is the Sean Connery of games that let you be a spy.

BEST SHOOTING IN A GAME

Resident Evil 4 has an unlockable gun that shoots cranberries. Just kidding!

Resident Evil 4

I know this is like three years old but damn. It is so cool. You have probably played it. There is less freedom of movement than in a First Person Shooter but it is crisp and you can shoot guys who are running at you in the foot, which is pretty smart. In any other game you have to keep shooting at every part of them until they are dead. In Resident Evil 4 you can go right for the feet. This changes the game fundamentally, because instead of having to kill everything you are given the choice of basically tripping the bad guys in a very painful way. For taking the well-worn premise of Home Alone to a new level, Resident Evil 4 gets my commendation. No other game can say the same.

Thanks for reading (even only this line).

Holy shit it's been 3 years

My god people we've been blogging for 3 years as of December 21st.

3 years of babbuhls and 3 years of innocent boundless stupidity refined only as hand gestures could refine them.

I wish I had some sort of penultimate speech prepared for you guys but honestly I don't, i'm just as suprised as the 4 people who read this blog are about how we've survived this long but damnit Jim we're still here playing video games and saying stupid things sometimes.

Just the way I like it.

Zibbudie Babbuhl

-Kyle out
Don't try to tell me that my intentions are untrue <3

Mass Effect or Massive Dump

Nah, i'm just fucking with you guys, Mass Effect kicks your ass and mine no doubt about it.

I may be somewhat biased the game does have it's very extreme failings, an un-intuitive inventory system and nigh on masochistic save system, but golly gee willickers if that doesn't matter what so fucking ever.

Let me ask you a question, a serious question.

..
....
.....
..
.....
....

Have you ever had sex with a blue alien?

...
........
....

Because I sure have and it feels fantastic, all this and more in Mass Effect.

There's some sort of character generator and great combat system in there somewhere too but i'm sure it was just added on in the end of the build to appease those rpg fucks.

Kill alien fuckheads by the assload, destroy helpless colonies and commit mass(get it now?) genocide all by a decision of a thumbstick.

Buy Mass Effect...buy the best William Shatner Sim ever made.

77 golden manbabies out of a possible 4

-Kyle out
You're the stars in my heaven

P.S and yeah that wireless mic is really fucking shit.

--Addendum--

In my haste I forgot that I wanted to talk about something serious...relatively speaking.

As you may or may not know we (Zibbudie Babbuhl and associates) played a vigorous 5 hour marathon of paintball on the 22nd of September, this may have been a while ago but I digress, it is worth talking about even now the dust has finally settled and the warriors have stepped down from their thunderous battles.

We had alot of fucking fun, we had two teams consisting of Zibbudie Babbuhl (James, Andre, Pat, Claudio, Eric, Pat's brother, Adriano, Junluika and myself) against Osborn & Lange.Inc(company I work for) it was a decisive victory for ZB no one would say differently.

It was a victory that we worked damn hard for, having never tested the majority of Zibbudie Babbuhl in anything more tactical than Halo3 put some doubt into my mind, but the calculated destruction of our enemies was nothing short of brutal.

There's alot I can say about what we did that day but I could never do it justice, you just had to be there, on that note, I would like to do it again when the weather gets better, paintball same place hopefully same people.

Someone else will lead ZB this time, should be an honor that is passed between us, also we need pictures this time.

halo 3

"what a piece of SHIT" -- kyle adam, zibbudie babbuhls

this is my review of halo 3 tHanks for reading

hALO 3 IS A FUN GAME the best par tyof halo 3 is when you play on internet and there are guys names funny things LIKE ""the tank ENGINE"" i mean what if his name is tomas (sp?), are we playing a the next generation video games or a TV show for BABYS !! next up an enginer in team fortress 2 called ''BOB"" ie BOB the builder who doesnt even BUILD he just pretends to FOR BABYS lets see u lay it down on 2fort mister your toolsboxes dont even turn to sentry guns they probaly turn to a LUNCHBOX and you sit down and eat tHere are NO WARS but honestly folks the game is LOADS (asin LOADing screen, ie the best part, am i right people hehe its not THAT bad lol SYKE) of fun, you can cause things such as make a map of only rockets and swords OR as kyle says BLEEPING the BLEEPING out of his BLEENIS since he hates those ALOT you can punch people in the head too when tHey are in a car that is not theirs SWEET

PRO TIP: (you should put these in youre review andre SHEESH what kinda gamer aRE YOU) :
- wHEn you run out of bouououllets you can hit the b button (its the red one heh thank me later !) for hitting a guy Or as we say around theses parts; "punch a sucker" "in the mouth",, like yOW one for the kisser (i sent that to a guy once onthe xbox live message service.... you know aht he said?? NOTHING. he probably thought i was talking about girls !??)

in concludement i give it a pictre of MACHO MAN randy savage out of a picture of MACHOMAN randy savage SOrry if it doesnt go i copied it tried to drag it from the other post (under andres) speaking if which YOU ARE FIRED UBISOFT pays for adspace buddy haha JUST kIDDING i cant fire anyone

Assassin's Creed and Metaphysics Thereof.

What the hell is this? I leave for like 5 minutes and you guys go all bananas over random wacky crap?

You know what this blog needs?

Sarcasm.

I'm absolutely, 100% chips-on-the-table back-to-the-wall Hiroshima-and-Nagasaki serious.

Or am I sarcastic?

Except that would make the above statement true, and thus not sarcasm.

See what I did there?

So, I picked up Assassin's Creed and it's...serviceable. I dunno, there's that je ne sais quoi missing that keeps it from being great, so it's just...mediocre.

Imagine, if you will, that there was a painting of Mona Lisa, except, instead of the smile, her expression is blank. It's kinda like that. No spark of greatness. No soul.

Lots of stabbing though. Glorious, brutal, fluidly animated stabbings. I mean, this is sorta what I expect stabbings to look like y'know?

Too bad the main character is an insufferable prick. I mean, normally that's a positive, because, hey, we're all dicks when we play games. But he's a poorly acted prick, and so full of XTREME RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE it's hard to feel smug about it.

The narrative is pretty...bland is the word I guess. It's like rice cakes.

A good rental I guess. 7.0/10.0 (this is not the official ZBL score, we haven't all played it yet.)

ZIBBUDIE BABBUHLS a history

1 ina series

in the grand tradition of a&e and discovery channel i have taken it upon MYSELF to elaborate on events of a mysterious nature that heretofore have been shrouded in secrecy for reasons of profound shame and hypnotherapy

FIRST in a series: november 29 2002

it is today in historys that zibbudie babbuhl frontman randy savage aka macho MAN burst forth unexpectedly during the filming of a skit and caused everyone in attendance (including two cats and an infant) to totally freak out IT WAS GLORIOUS no one was harmed except randy savage who broke a desk in his excitement he didnt have to go the hospital or anything though

after we had hotdogs with cheese thusly christened babbuhldogs WE HAVE NOT ATEN THEM SINCE hmmmm

STAY TUNED

ABLRRRRBPTBPPPPH

You need water to take a bath, not just whisky....classic Lyle

Oh my lordy, I haven't seen you in a long time, a good time but a long time nonetheless.

My relationship with this blog has been somewhat bittersweet, I know that in my heart i'm a terrible writer. I have no sense of conveyance and my thoughts are all over the place..and well I use way too many comma's but I've always loved to write here for some reason I cannot describe.

But i'm going to try just once to make quality post to somewhat surmise what we've been doing since last fucking christmas(Chanukah for our one jewish person) we've been in alot of adventures as a group or alone but we've come together at the Spade Table of Babol to retell our stories.

Again, i'm really terrible at conveyance, James is so much of a better writer than yours truly but i'm going to try and keep this somewhat readable and coherant.

ZB has done alot, infact most recently we participated in a paintball event that was basically half of Osborn & Lange and half Zibbudie Babbuhl, we fought together as a unit under the flag of Foxtrot....

Suffice it to say without regaling how badass I am, we mopped the fucking floor with them, enough said.

We're playing Halo3 again:

And are we ever good at it.

We're almost at 4 years now, and we're stronger than ever before.

Zibbudie Babbuhl

-Kyle Out
Whoo! Alright - Yeah...uh Huh. <3

Christmas loot(gryeah)

It was Christmass a little while ago, I don't need to tell you this but I just did.

With Christmas comes loot. We all like loot, loot is cool it's awesome and best of all.

It's Free

Time to show off our loot.

What I got(i'm first to show since i'm special)

Star Trek: Legacy
The Marvel Encyclopedia
Carnivale: Season 1
Decanter of Swiss Army
And more not pictured



So share your corporate conquests.

-Kyle out
When you find yourself lying helpless in her arms <3

I'm back with new pineapple-slicing-in-mid-air hotness!

As it turns out, I was just deserted by the roadside like a burgundy taffeta bridemaid's dress by Blogger's update. Reports of my leaving/demise/transcendence of physical form were greatly, albeit artistically, exaggerated.

To herald and celebrate my return to the world of posting, I bring you this:

The Miracle Blade III

"It's so sharp it slices a pineapple IN MID-AIR!"



You may have seen this on TV about a decade ago. That's fine. Now you can see it again. SLICING A PINEAPPLE IN MID-AIR! Though, I can't really figure out why...

However, if you ever need to slice a flying pineapple, Chef Tony knows where it's at!

-You got knocked the fuck out!, André out

New Hotness

Typing to you guys with some new shit, it's pretty spiffy however..bad news has stuck us at the Zibbudie Babbuhl Lane..

We got a man down.

Andre has left the building...

Oh God Andre....we never knew each other...forsooth..he was a good man..we're going to miss him.

and with that I bring to you...

Ode to Andre...in picture form
----


Powerful stroke of the fork
Food not wasted is not wanted
Africa will never Forget



Lost to the void
Influence Unerring
Yet complained
For his gut was not full



Suprise me not
For I am everywhere
Always vigilant
Yet never acting
T'was my curse

God bless you Andre, you made two posts and you'll probably be back in a week, but god-damnit, you're going to be a man down for that period of time

-Kyle out
And nothing else matters <3

Bad News

My dad had a minor heart attack from all the steroids, i'll elaborate, but I have to go to work.

Let me tell you about my boat

Another update:

My dad is home now, he's been home for a bit I've just been swamped.

he's doing alright considering everything, he's still real fragile and worse off than he's ever been..but that's what getting poison pumped into your veins every week does to you, vapid vile virulent shit that be.

I used to take alot of life for granted, but after leaving the army and going back to being a civilian and seeing what someone just slowly dying does to a family it's really hit me in a profound way, the conflict is from within, not without and we as humanity have to look inwards to find our sense of peace and purpose, it makes you think what we've been fighting for is all worth it.

Of course it is..it always will be..what am I saying.

Oh, and as promised, my boat.



Our theme song?
Moondawg

-Kyle Out
And oh lordy I kissed her again..because she had kisses sweeter than wine <3

What's your handle? I need a Zantac, ok and thanks before I blank into anyphylactic shock

Yeah, so just an update on things with my father.

My dad went in Chemo today, as he does every wednesday because you know..if he doesn't he's fuckin' done.

He get everything done(the process takes 8 hours from start to finish) and they give him his last jumper(jumpers are a steroid which is used to accelerate the chemo process)and after a while he has a reaction..which you guessed it.

Anyphylactic Shock.

Now, i'm no doctor, I used to be a medic though and I know that that's easily the second worst shock anyone can deal with. You know all those kids who are deathly allergic to peanuts and when they eat one by accident they start to react and unless they can use their Auto-Injector(epi-pen) they're basically dead.

Yeah, that's what's happening, he has basically swollen up and this is pretty life threatening.

I'm at home right now, holding down the fort for phone calls and stuff but i'll let you guys know what's happening..

And please guys, give a prayer for my dad, I don't want him to die.

-Kyle Out
Hiding lovers just the same as we'll be, we'll be <3

Yes, Gears of War is awesome.

Only one thing better than Gears of War and that's Gears of War set to Toto's "Africa."



Big ups to the guy who did so well with such a simple idea. The timing's great.

Gears of War is pretty fuckin' nuts

So if FFXII, but shit, Gears of War is fucking crazy, it's bananas on a scale of unknown bananas.

10/10

Let me explain Gears of War to you non-babbuhlers(we also call you normies) GOW as we will now call it, is probably the most visceral experience you will have with guns.

The rifle has a fucking chainsaw bayonet and you cut your enemies apart by revving the weapon up as your character cackles maniacally

Those fucker monsters don't know what the fuck..and neither did I the first time I cut him up, it's so fucking awesome, jesus H christ.

Otherwise the game itself is just an excellence of execution perfect in every way, when you face these monsters you get so fucking scared because they're just so much more powerful and vicious than you, you pump your whole magazine into the lowliest of grunt...you start to reload, but you get nervous and you fuck your reloading up...the weapon jams and he's just rushing you, firing his weapon you say fuck it, you jump over cover, rev your chain saw up and cut his skull apart.

As I said, it's pretty fucking bananas.

Edit: I'm starting my november nanowriter(or maybe continuing an old one) soon.
Edit2: Melissa(my girlfriend) qualified for the nationals in Calgary, she's leaving on monday so wish her luck.

-Kyle out(playing GOW/FFXII)
Don't be afraid, I've a hand for your hand..and i'll love you for a while <3

Fall cleaning.

Hello, Internet.

I've wiped this place down a little. No more straggler-code slowing things down with links to sites we don't visit (save Achewood, but it is a given at this point) and films we'd prefer to keep in the past (though can be found with a search or two all the same) and a newly inaugurated set of Xbox Live badges to wildly gesture at the gains we've recently made in next-generation tomfoolery. Should you be both one of the many on this service and one of the few scrolling this unassuming blog-page, do add us as friends. So lonely. Plus you make the front page if you kick our asses, or vice-versa. A modest feat, I assure you. And we could use the material.

Next up: Stirring accounts of chainsaw death in Gears of War, and shuffling Magic cards like it's 1993 in a return to lower-tech means of social marginalization. Also, out-takes from a mostly serious film project to remind us that we can never stop making inappropriate faces, ever.

Zibbudie Babbuhl.

Everybody needs somebody....sometimes

;o

....

....

....

;]


We did it, we're back, Zibbudie Babbuhl rocking the fucking house, get this homeslices, we sneak into your house right?...right? and then and then...we go to your computer, we whisper sweet nothings into it's speakers, we make love to it with out words...then...

We hack it's Gibson...We hack it's Gibson so bad

Myself and Jems, we're tech-support super-spies of the Nintendo generation, we say stuff like "dem some rude titties" "why you even got to do a thing" and "we gonna be some scottie pippins up in this bitch"



It's seriously such an awesome triumph, we're finally back with some new flavor flav, some new jive and some new toys.

Pappa's gotta brand new bag baby

In case any of you were wondering, my dad had his surgery for his cancer and everything, it spread to 14 of his nodes and he had them removed, he's doing alright, but there's sitll always that risk where anything can go wrong, overlal though he's doing quite well.

Hey you guys, I might be going to the olympics, i'm not competing but my girlfriend may be and I was invited by the team to come along to give my support, that's pretty god damn cool eh?

-Kyle out
I'm sorry Juvi..today just isn't your lucky day

A return to Babbuhls.

It took two Xbox 360s, two copies of Splinter Cell Double Agent, and a bevy of AI-controlled mercenaries. It took resolve. It took lots of neck-snapping and leaping around like Goddamned spider monkeys but "Babbuhl," into our problematic headsets we whispered, and babbuhl we did.

Four files, extracted to perfection in a match within the game's co-op mode. A slam dunk, if you will. Some Shaquille O'Neal type shit. Scotty Pippin' it up in this bitch. You get the idea.

We were just trying to fix their computers. Apparently these particular mercenaries were trained to fire even on tech support. That's why all of their stuff is in disarray. Serves them right. Shouldn't have to sneak and leap and throw smoke grenades just to get rid of some spy-ware.

A rousing game of cat and mouse and begging computers of their secrets. Xbox Live has returned to form before our ill-suited bizarro lens.