Assassin's Creed and Metaphysics Thereof.

What the hell is this? I leave for like 5 minutes and you guys go all bananas over random wacky crap?

You know what this blog needs?

Sarcasm.

I'm absolutely, 100% chips-on-the-table back-to-the-wall Hiroshima-and-Nagasaki serious.

Or am I sarcastic?

Except that would make the above statement true, and thus not sarcasm.

See what I did there?

So, I picked up Assassin's Creed and it's...serviceable. I dunno, there's that je ne sais quoi missing that keeps it from being great, so it's just...mediocre.

Imagine, if you will, that there was a painting of Mona Lisa, except, instead of the smile, her expression is blank. It's kinda like that. No spark of greatness. No soul.

Lots of stabbing though. Glorious, brutal, fluidly animated stabbings. I mean, this is sorta what I expect stabbings to look like y'know?

Too bad the main character is an insufferable prick. I mean, normally that's a positive, because, hey, we're all dicks when we play games. But he's a poorly acted prick, and so full of XTREME RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE it's hard to feel smug about it.

The narrative is pretty...bland is the word I guess. It's like rice cakes.

A good rental I guess. 7.0/10.0 (this is not the official ZBL score, we haven't all played it yet.)