Puerto Rican experiences relating to and of Zibbudie Babbuhl, One in a Series

Hey, guys. I just got off a plane and finished cleaning cat poop. Here are some fun facts about the island of Puerto Rico!

1. Puerto Rico is an island!

2. The people who live there speak Spanish but it is OK if you want to use English or German or French or something like that. (They don't really mind so long as you do it on your own time.)

3. Nobody knows what snow is, and those who do are pulling your leg to make you feel comfortable.

4. It is not uncommon to wield machetes on the street in broad daylight, with or without any certifiable reason, which to me is totally rad because I don't even know where to buy a machete in Canada or how to use one.

5. The maids do not ask if you did your pee-pee and I think only one or two are named Maria.

6. Shopping centre parking lots are circled by squad cars and watched over by armed guards in towers who are positioned as such to protect you from getting shot in the face and also to keep prices low.

7. There are a few Asians but they are either Japanese business-families on vacation or Puerto Ricans inhabiting a reanimated human vessel.

8. Everybody listens to reggaeton, which has as much to do with reggae as Gilbert Gottfried. It is rap and dance music minus everything I like about rap and dance music.

9. People clap when the plane lands now. And no, there weren't any snakes on it.

10. ALL YALL SEEN THE LEPRECHAUN SAY YEAH

YEAAA

So, yes, Zibbudie Babbuhl's back, baby. Say that like Nixon and you are set. You are so set.

- Jems
Zibbudie Babbuhl in Spanish is "Zibbudie Babbuhl."