The muppet murders.

Myself and Jemsy thought up a clever premise one night at about 12:42am, during Conan O'brien.

The guest, who's name escapes me at the moment talked about Muppets. About meeting Muppets, which ones to me, in some good fun, I decided to tender said question to Jemsy.

"Totally Kermit dogg. You?"
"Animal...or Swedish Chef i'd say"
"What about Elmo, he's some sort of smooth operator"
"Him too, he gets all the ladies"

Somehow, we ended up talking about how funny it would be to shoot, kill or otherwise brutally maim a muppet.

I laughed a sinister laugh under my breath, I am becoming more like the Joker everyday. Yes I replied, it would be quite funny.

Jems presented the idea to me, where Kermit the frog and himself are locked into a furious stare, Jemsy holding a handgun, while Kermit is taunting him


"Come on asshole...do it...!"

Jemsy would push the weapon closer to the face of Kermit.

"Don't you think I won't do it god-damnit, you fabric piece of shit motherfucker"

Taking a tense stare from Jemsy's perspective, Kermit just opening his mouth and closing it, as in a pause of thought or concentration.

A drop of sweat drops from his brow, as I enter the situation.

"Jemsy..there is a man behind the puppet"
"I-I-I know dogg"
"If you shoot the gun, the bullet will pass straight through the puppet"
"Yes, Yes!"
"Killing the man Jemsy, the man will die, do you want that?"
"I just don't know anymore!"

Jems looks towards the ground, finds an inert Miss Piggy laying on the ground un-used, as Jemsy would say "lacking a hand up the butt" he exclaims.

"YOU'VE TAKEN SOMETHING I LOVE, NOW I TAKE SOMETHING YOU LOVE!"

Smiles at Kermit, lowers his pistols towards the inert puppet and fires off a few rounds, killing the would be Muppet, Kermit screams


"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He starts to Flail his arms in that stupid dance way, and the scene ends, Jemsy and I walking out of the muppet warehouse, Kermit swearing vengeance, with the two black rectangles over his eyes to denote anger, then it blacks out, credits role, and we wonder what the fuck we're doing with our lives.

Everyone I left behind each time I closed the door
Burning bridges lost forevermore